FOOL

7:46 AM atika silvia 2 Comments



Hey fellas!
It's been a while since my last post.
Yap, haven't got moods dan inspirasi buat ngepost apa.
Sebelumnya, mau ngucapin HAPPY NEW YEAR 2018!!
Semoga di tahun ini semua hal dapat berjalan dengan lebih baik and also we could improve ourselves more.
Kemarin gue abis nonton film "The Greatest Showman", itu bagus bangettttt!!
Film musikal favorit gue sejauh ini. I love all the songs like literally all of them.
Harus nonton! Bagus paraaahh.

Okay, moving on, aku mau curhat hehe

Well, I've been questioning myself and have been struggling with this since I don't know when karena sebelumnya gue gak pernah merasa ini adalah sesuatu yang salah sampe gue merasakan dan mengalami ini berkali-kali bahkan it's getting worse.
I didn't realize that what I've done and what I've been through is something wrong, but now... I don't know, I'm still questioning it.
Gue merasa berbuat baik sama orang itu gak salah, tapi ya memang semua itu harus ada batasnya.
I'm tired of people saying to me: "Udah Tik, jangan ditanggepin lagi orang kayak gitu mah" "Udah Tik lain kali ga usah dibales lagi chatnya" Udah Tik, Udah Tik, Udah Tik....
I'm done. But I'm not.
Ya gue emang bodoh mungkin karena selalu ngeladenin orang yang gue gatau bahkan muncul kapan dan tiba-tiba bisa pergi gitu aja. I mean, awalnya emang seru-seru aja ngobrol and doing stuffs with them or FOR them. Sampe akhirnya mereka pergi. GONE. Entah kemana gatau, but what I realized, they have never been there when I need them.
You know what the best part is, or the worst part you may say. I can't hate people.
Jadi, kayak meskipun mereka gitu, ya secara manusiawi pasti gue kesel. banget malah. Tapi yaudah, I'm mad after they did what they did. Yes, it stays for days or even weeks. 
Tapi yaudah, setelah itu gue lupa atau ya udah ga mikirin but seiring berjalannya waktu dan tiba-tiba mereka balik, gue tetep nanggepin mereka. 
Gue gatau sih ini sebenernya baik atau engga, tapi yang gue tau, akhir-akhirnya gue capek sendiri ketika mereka gitu lagi. It goes on and on.
Another best part is, ketika mereka hilang setelah melakukan hal yang bikin gondok, gue malah merasa itu salah gue. Gue mikir "apa ada yang salah dari diri gue"
Ya gimana gue bisa tau kalo mereka aja gaada yang ngomong.
I'm tired of people telling me: "Coba Tik sekali-sekali jangan diturutin maunya dia" "Jangan gitu terus Tik, nanti dia bakalan nyuruh lu terus" "Ya jangan diturutin terus Tik, nanti dia seenaknya" "Jangan Tik, nanti dia bakal terus mikir 'Ah suruh Tika aja, dia kan bisa tuh'"
Instantly I feel like I'm being used. Iya lebay.
I wish I could just ignore people. I wish I could be like one of those mean girls outside who doesn't care about anything or anyone. I wish I could just walk away.
I may look ignorant on the outside, but I'm not.
Gue capek kesel dan gondok di awal but will fell for it eventually.
Gue capek sendiri. I'm struggling. I'm done being taken for granted.
I'm not a saint, not at all. Gue juga gatau kenapa gue ga bisa fight back.
I have trust issues because of that. Bukan gue gamau bergaul sama semua orang, tapi gue memilih mana yang baik untuk jadi inner circle gue.
I'm trying to be a better version of me. I have been trying every year.
Wish me luck for this year.

Gue ga bisa kasih suggestion apa-apa karena gue juga masih figuring out gimana mengatasi ini.
But the one thing I know, keep being kind. 
Tapi inget, berbuat baiklah secara cukup, jangan berlebihan. Karena segala hal yang berlebihan itu ga baik. 
Don't let them take you for granted. Don't let them drag you down.
Be wise, be kind, and stay above the ground.

Sekian curhatan saya.
Have a nice day!

2 comments:

Preach, gurl!

Anonymous said...

Its great seeing you could overcome the problem girl! Honestly, we kinda have the same issues about being too good to people, being used, and stuff like that , it does make me mad until it makes me think that being good actually is a bad thing, but it goes the same as you, i couldnt get mad for a long term, i cant even do a 'revenge' even if i had the chance too. I always think that what they did to me was wrong, why should i do the 'wrong' thing to them and always tell myself to forget it, and it happens over and over again, i wish that you can cope this issues wisely, cheers! I always be there for you! Sorry for writing the comment too long! God bless you